Tourniquet
by RamblinRose
Summary: ::SONGFIC:: Severus Snape reflects on his life as he dies...


Disclaimer: The song Tourniquet by Evanescence doesn't belong to me, nor  
does ::sniff sniff:: Severus Snape.  
  
Tourniquet  
  
"No! Master, please, nooooo..." Severus Snape's cries trail off as he realizes that the more he begged for mercy, the less mercy would be handed  
down from the Dark Lord. Snape cursed the day that he received his Dark  
Mark. He had just wanted somewhere to belong; the people at school had  
always been so cruel.  
  
i tried to kill my pain  
but only brought more  
  
A wave of red-hot agony sweeps over him, and another and then another. 'It  
has begun.' Severus thinks grimly, refusing to scream. One by one, the  
Death Eaters step forward and take turns delivering punishment to the  
traitor, the spy. The Dark Lord laughs maliciously as he watches Snape thrash in pain. "You think I will kill you, don't you? But no, death would be a gift. You will recieve no gifts of mercy from me, traitor! Instead,  
you will be left here to die of your pain."  
  
i lay dying  
  
and i'm pouring crimson regret  
  
Severus moaned in agony as the aftermath of the Cruciatus began. He could  
no longer see his surrounding as waves of red covered his vision.  
  
and betrayal  
  
He should never have joined the Dark Lord, but he was desperate for  
friendship, for love. He thought he could find them there, but he was  
wrong.  
  
i'm dying  
  
As he felt his life very slowly fading, he thought briefly on his parents.  
Being Muggles, they would probably never hear of his death but think  
instead that he was avoiding them. He felt a tear fall. They had never understood why he would want to be a wizard. They were devout Catholics, therefore believing magic was wrong. Through his pain, he felt for a moment  
that maybe they were right.  
  
praying  
  
'Our Father, who art in heaven...', he began in his mind  
  
bleeding  
  
'hallowed be thy name...', he could feel blood dripping down his face, his  
arm and his legs, blood everywhere.  
  
and screaming  
  
'thy Kingdom come, thy will be done....' he screamed, a sharp pain sweeping  
over him.  
  
am i too lost to be saved  
  
'On earth as it is in Heaven.'  
  
am i too lost?  
  
"Give us this day our daily bread..." For the first time in his life he  
wanted there to be a God, to love and forgive him.  
  
my God my tourniquet  
  
"And forgive us our trespasses..." so much to forgive.  
  
return to me salvation  
  
"As we forgive those who trespass against us..." to forgive Voldemort would be the most self-sacrificial thing he had ever done. Could he do it now?  
  
my God my tourniquet  
  
"Lead us not into temptation..." If only there had been a God to keep him  
from the Dark Lord to begin with...  
  
return to me salvation  
  
"But deliver us from evil..." he was too weak to go on and faltered at the  
last word. His last bits of life were slipping...  
  
do you remember me  
  
He wondered briefly if his muggle parents would understand what he had  
done, if they were told?  
  
lost for so long  
  
He had come tonight without Dumbledore's knowledge, because he thought that  
maybe, since Voldemort had owled him and not used the Mark, perhaps he would be privelege to some private information, something that would help  
the cause.  
  
will you be on the other side  
  
His thoughts suddenly switched to Lily, the one girl he had loved. He had been there the night that she died, crying behind his mask as he was forced  
to hold her down so she wouldn't fight.  
  
or will you forget me  
  
'If I see her on the other side, will she know? Does she know that I had  
no choice?' he managed to think coherently before the pain claimed him  
again.  
  
i'm dying  
  
As the agony claimed him again, he knew it would be the last time.  
  
praying  
  
"OH GOD!!! Save me..." he screamed and then trailed off as he took one last  
breath.  
  
bleeding  
  
Slowly, as the wounds clotted, the blood stopped flowing.  
  
and screaming  
  
He had no more strength left for screams, but tried anyway, and his breath  
caught on the blood that had filled his mouth.  
  
am i too lost to be saved  
  
The pain faded and he felt nothing, floated in nothing for what seemed like  
an eternity.  
  
am i too lost?  
  
And then there was a light, too bright to ignore. He blinked to shake it  
out of his eyes, and when he could see, he saw her walking towards him,  
smiling. She understood.  
  
my wounds cry for the grave  
my soul cries for deliverance  
  
will i be denied Christ  
  
tourniquet  
  
my suicide  
  
The whole school mourned the day he was found. Their Potions Master, while  
strict and sometimes cruel, had died fighting. Fighting for them. A remembrance was carved on the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, and it was  
willingly signed by all. 


End file.
